Drabble

[sparklebutch]

Life... it eats me alive. Gnaws at my aching joints, my weakened muscles. Pops my brain cells into its mouth one by one and grins, licking its lips. Life sends its many arms all around the planet. Makes things grow and decay. Life is heavy on my shoulders, thick in my lungs. Life goes on and on, extending behind me like a road well travelled and stretching before me into the bright horizon like eternity. Life roams on, rams in. Cells regenerating and dying, regenerating and dying, and dying, and dying. Life... "is a sexually transmitted fatal disease"... is death.

[100 words]

Comments

[calime]

Life is an indiscriminate omnivore, who like a field mose ahs to eat it's own weight daily to keep on going. And we all know that life can weigh quite a lot.
I love this snippet. It's so lush, and dark, and real.

[sparklebutch.livejournal.com]

*licks*

[drc1.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is rather dark and sad, at least to me. It's difficult for me to really 'get' it because it's the opposite of how I look at life.

The writing is excellent, though, as usual.:-)

[sparklebutch.livejournal.com]

[opposite of how I look at life] - then you are very, very lucky, and I wish you all the best and to keep your happiness.

[drc1.livejournal.com]

I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to leave a comment on this, especially the comment I finally left. It certainly wasn't my intention to hurt anyone's feelings or offend anyone. And I don't feel particularly lucky for looking at life the way I do nor do I see it as happiness generally. I won't bore you by discussing or explaining this further, just thought I'd let you know.

[sparklebutch.livejournal.com]

I'm not hurt or offended. What I said, I meant with absolute honesty. You are lucky if you don't have depression, just as you are lucky if you in any other way don't have bad things in life. And I wish, with seriousness, because I like you, that you won't have badness in your life.

Never be unsure about saying what you think or feel, at least to me. Please.

[drc1.livejournal.com]

I was afraid I had come across as arrogant, and I'm glad that wasn't the case apparently.

I'm at the office right now, gathering and sending files and stuff, so no time to make a longer reply unfortunately. I'll be back tonight if you don't mind.

*hugshugshugs*

[sparklebutch.livejournal.com]

*big hugs* I'm sorry my reply was - misunderstood or seen as - mean in any way.

[drc1.livejournal.com]

Not mean at all (never mean, that's just not you), but hurt maybe, at least to me. And that was or is never my intention when I give feedback, especially not with someone whose writing I adore.:-))

Anyway, I'm leaving now and will be back later.

[sparklebutch.livejournal.com]

Nah, not hurt. Takes a lot to offend me, and usually takes specific aiming.

[drc1.livejournal.com]

So, my umpteenth attempt at composing a proper reply, i.e. one that hopefully makes sense and actually explains things a bit better.

When I read original fiction I, as a reader who doesn't know the author really well, have no way to know how far a certain piece of fiction is based on the author's personal experience. Most of the time, this is not important but sometimes, like in this case, it can be important. Also for the way I respond and comment.

When I read something I always look for a connection, for something I can relate to - emotions, relationships, situations -, and when I find this connection I'm eager to know how the author sees those things, how he/she resolves situations etc. and whether the outcome is something I also can relate to. I don't have to or want to agree with the outcome all the time. When I read something I can't relate to at all I can still admire the fine writing.

And that's what happened in this case. I didn't realise exactly what this ficlet was about. We all go through some rough times every now and then, we all feel gloomy and listless and powerless from time to time. But I've never experienced the kind of depression you describe. Nor have I met a lot of people in RL who suffer from this kind depression (I don't count LJ people as I haven't met most of them personally and don't know them or their RL circumstances well enough).

And that is why I personally don't feel lucky. For me, it's just the way things are and always have been and hopefully always will be.

But some of your replies got me thinking, and I agree with you that I should feel lucky. Because based on the little I know about this kind of deep, serious depression it is, of course, not something those who suffer from it can free themselves easily, if ever. Just like my personal perception of life is mostly joy, fascination, a fundamental feeling of being happy about being alive and able to enjoy it, even the tiniest part of it, the shortest moment, is certainly the result of my upbringing but also something I've been lucky enough to inherit.

And then there is something else: I like you, too. I also admire you because I think you are a very talented writer and artist, and a very brave person. And that's why I wish that you, too, don't have badness in your life, or unhappiness. And I wish that when I see you unhappy, or write about unhappiness, I could do more than just send virtual chocolate (or offer to send the real thing ;-)).

Yes, I've been lucky in many other ways, too. I'm lucky in that I have my two wonderful, amazing sons, and a job that I like and that doesn't make me rich but allows me to make a living.

There has also been some not so good stuff, especially regarding my love-life :-) but I refuse to dwell on things I can't change or don't even want to change right now.:-) You have Cat, and that's a very good thing.:-)))

To put all this in a nutshell: it was never my intention to make a comment that could be seen as arrogant or, well, distant, if you know what I mean. Rather the contrary (I'm a Piscean, after all:-)).

PS: I have never felt that I couldn't be open or honest with you. Your LJ is one of the few places where I've always felt safe. And believe me that whatever I say is always my honest opinion, however clumsily worded.

[sparklebutch.livejournal.com]

what this ficlet was about: Age, and falling apart, and just being so very tired. This ficlet I don't even consider really dark, more... realistic I suppose is the word. This isn't so much depression as much as a general outlook.

should feel lucky: It's just a way of seeing others, I suppose. There are many people starving to death; I never went hungry more than a couple of days, but I can understand I'm incredibly lucky to be able to eat.

a very brave person: See, this I don't get. My ability to write is a matter of taste (not that I don't appreciate your kind, wonderful words to me!) and I like you and so glad you like me back, but, brave? I fight no dragons. I barely squash spiders ;) I live my life, best as I can, just like you. Knockonwood.

make a comment that could be seen as arrogant or, well, distant: It didn't seem that way to me.

open or honest: *big hugs* - You have no idea how much I appreciate that.